Me

he did what he knew

It had been a yucky morning for me.

Actually, the yuckies started the night before, as I tried to fall asleep.

So…I prayed.

God, why do I feel this way?

Make it stop…I don’t want to feel like this.

I want to feel You…not this.”

I fell asleep praying…and was praying when I woke up.

But still. Yucky. Now, just more of it.

WHY?!?!

woman grieve

So I gave into being a rocky, polar ice cap, threw off the blankets and pounded into my day.

And I snapped…and I bickered…and I stomped…and I rolled my eyes.

I was breathing yucky.

I was thinking yucky.

I was becoming YUCKY…and oh how I hated the feeling of it.

So I prayed again.

God. Help. Please.”

A little melt inside.

Before it froze back over, I got alone with the husband that I had just snapped at.

I was open about where I was and my confusion over it.

He told me I was beautiful (um really?!?), took my hands and prayed (!!!!).

This time, the melt was enough to leak from my eyes.

 

Better.

 

…and then.

I saw my phone blinking and found a text from my niece.  It was a photo of a page from Max Lucado’s “He Still Moves Stones”…the irony of the title wasn’t lost on me.

 

Each of us knows what it’s like to search the night for light. We’ve asked our questions. We’ve questioned God’s plan. And we’ve wondered why God does what He does.

If you are asking what Joseph (husband to Mary, father to Jesus) did, let me urge you to do what Joseph did:

Obey. That’s what he did. He obeyed. He obeyed when the angel called. He obeyed when Mary explained. He obeyed when God sent.

He was obedient to God.

He was obedient when the sky was bright.

He was obedient when the sky was dark.

He didn’t let his confusion disrupt his obedience. He didn’t know everything, but he did what he knew.

He obeyed.

 

And at the simple realization that I didn’t need to understand the yucky to obey the Lord I knew…to do what I know…

mmm…yes, at this, the rock was lifted off my back and the melting was complete in me.

 

…and I would by lying if I didn’t admit that I am still in awe that he called me beautiful while I was feeling so …yucky!! 🙂

 

 

Looking up, as always…

Bina

 

 

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2 thoughts on “he did what he knew”

  1. Thank you so much. I needed this message today. I have some obeying to do. It’s going to be scary, risky, and get really ugly before it’s over with. But obey, I must. Otherwise my growth will end right here, right now. Oh Lord, give me strength!

    \o/

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