Bible, Faith, God, Hurting Heart, Lessons Learned, Me, Prayer, Seeking Answers, Sin

Sunday’s invasion into my week

I love my church.

I know I can count on going and walking away marked somewhere inside.  It is a place where I am known…loved…missed when gone…and kept accountible.  I am easily distracted spiritually (think Dory from Finding Nemo) and it is anchoring for my soul to know that I can have that place to run to – to be known and to be challenged with sound Biblical teaching, week in and week out.

jeremiahThis past Sunday, our pastor covered an entire chapter of Jeremiah in one sermon…but my heart only heard one verse.

One sentence, actually, in the midst of the 34 verses listed in chapter 7…and once we got to it, my mind never moved passed it.  I mean, I still listened as the teaching continued…but I listened as one who had just tripped over a curb while following a tour guide: It was impacting…jarring to every sense I had inside me…and it has whispered itself in the air around me, again and again, in the hours since I left that pew.

…Walk in obedience to all I command you, that it may go well with you.

It isn’t a “new” or “radical” teaching for me, or for anyone who has spent any time in the Word.  This wasn’t the first time I had heard about His desire for our obedience…but somehow, this time, when my eyes took in these words, something finally made so much sense.

You see, I struggle with sin.

(I know.  It is a shocking confession…just keeping it real.)

It isn’t the sin that bothers me so much, but the fact that some of the things I deal with are things I have dealt with for y.e.a.r.s.  Things that I know I should have moved on from already…dealt with…accepted His atonement for and left in the past.  But I don’t.  And I get so angry at myself for still being “here“, coming in again to seek forgiveness for “this“.  Then that anger leads to me opening doors marked with things like “depression”, “self saving”, “complacency”, etc.

I walked into church three days ago with quite a few of those doors open inside of me…smiling on the outside, but boiling over within…silently begging God to just make it all stop.  To make it all ok.  To make me ok.

Why can’t I just move on?

Why can’t I just trust You enough?

…believe You enough?

…have enough faith?

God…please.

Walk in obedience to all I command you, that it may go well with you.

I know that, God. That’s what I mean.

I try and I try to fix it.

…to stop it.

…to let it go.

…to fight the good fight.

But I can’t, Lord…I just can’t.

WALK in OBEDIENCE.

Right. I know.

Give up the sins.

Be holy.

…a good example to the world around me.

…a person who lives a life that no one can accuse.

…perfect.

I can’t…I keep trying and trying and trying and…

JUST OBEY ME. That’s it. Stop trying to do and fix and be. Stop. Hear Me. Just walk…just take what I ask you to do and DO it.  That’s it.

…that’s it?

But what about…

…no. Hear Me, please. JUST this: Obey Me.

Think, my child.  Have I EVER failed you when you have done that?

no.

Walk in obedience to all I command you, that it MAY GO WELL WITH YOU.

I’ve got you. I promise.

In a matter of mere seconds, that conversation played out…and I sat back in total shock that I had missed something so simple: my walk has nothing to do with my “ability to be faithful and good” and has everything to do with my “simple obedience”.

I think we “grow up” and suddenly think that we have a new, adult, mature way to be led by God…but the early childhood method works just fine: ask your parent if you can and then do what they say.  “No” means no…”yes” means yes.  Super simple in a super complicated world, I know…but is it really all that complicated or does it just seem that way?

If He said no to something (using the Bible as the basis…Godly council when unsure…also hearing that warning bell that goes off in our heads when we are going the wrong way), He meant no. So don’t do it.  Easier said than done – and yet, in the past three days, when I have been unsure or tempted, I let the verse replay in my mind and it wasn’t so hard to know what He would want me to do.

No…the hard part is just doing the right thing.

Looking up, as always…

Bina

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