Bible, God's Love, Me

re…committed

Awake.

Covered in sweat, I broke from the sweet relief sleep provided only to find my mind swirling with things I needed to do … my heart slamming in my chest, set ablaze by a rampaging tornado of thoughts … my soul heavy, weary from having had no time to feed from the place of peace and Truth.

I was a mess.

Falling to my knees beside my bed in the silence of a household lost to peaceful slumber, I let my heart cry out to God … breaking open and gushing honestly, I knelt at His feet and let my tears cover the ground. 

Chaos served with a heavy helping of surrender …

brokenness rekindling its desire for redemption …

peace beginning the horrific job of rebuilding walls torn down by the storm of destruction …

and I climbed back between the covers, shaking from as much from the love I didn’t deserve as the engergy spent fighting a battle I never saw coming …

but it was a battle I should’ve expected because I had been lazy in time with Him.

Known.

The next morning, I flipped open my Bible to find a verse I had sketched into my journal just a few days earlier:

Wake up, my heart.  Wake up, o lyre and harp. I will wake the dawn with my song!

I didn’t know the context of that verse … I only knew that I wanted to to be awake in Him, alive with His purpose, and comforted by His peace.  What I found in Psalm 57 left me shaking again … but this time from the knowledge that I had been heard, that I was seen even as I stretched out on my bed, and that I was known … far more deeply that I had realized. 

“Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,
till the storms of destruction pass by.
I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
He will send from heaven and save me;
he will put to shame him who tramples on me.
Selah

God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!

My soul is in the midst of lions;
I lie down amid fiery beasts—
the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows,
whose tongues are sharp swords.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
Let your glory be over all the earth!

They set a net for my steps;
my soul was bowed down.
They dug a pit in my way,
but they have fallen into it themselves. Selah 

My heart is steadfast, O God,
my heart is steadfast!
I will sing and make melody!
Awake, my glory!
Awake, O harp and lyre!
I will awake the dawn!
I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples;
I will sing praises to you among the nations.
For your steadfast love is great to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the clouds.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
Let your glory be over all the earth!”

Comfort.

It comes in being known …

in knowing that my enemy, called here “children of man”, wasn’t a mob outside my front door, but rather a child buried deep within my own heart that works to destroy and hurt me … knowing that I am my own worst enemy at times …

in realizing that He not only saw my justification in hiding away from reality and Truth, He loved me enough to let me be touched by the storm my own laziness had created …

and yet, even in His discipline, I was protected by that same love because I wasn’t ever completely swept up and spit out by it.  Only touched … and reminded of who I am and who He is.

I was made aware … and was then released from the powerful bondage that comes when I let go of Him to pick up something else.

My comfort comes in Him as He takes what is unholy in me and makes it Holy for Himself by the sweet covering of His own forgiveness and love …

which for us, is shown in the shedding of His blood …

shed for one such as me …

…and for one such as you.

Looking up, as always,

bina

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5 thoughts on “re…committed”

  1. I went through the whole gamut of emotions in this post and even re-read it over again just to gain more deeply the path He has taken you on. Praying that this sense of grace and unconditional love always pervades our hearts.

    1. Thanks, Jen. I always find it enlightening when I look back over the journey I started and how He reached me on it…too bad hindsight can’t be interchanged with foresight 🙂

  2. Oh, yes. I’ve been there — awakened from sweet slumber to have my mind swirling with thoughts and worry. You? You made the wise choice, right there with the bended knee.

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