I turn to Your rescue from this utter churning in my soul.
I don’t do it because I think that I deserve Your defense. I haven’t illusions enough to forget that I’ve failed You more than I can admit to without breaking down. No. I am not one whose walk could be described as blameless…but the light in Your eyes remind me that I am one who can be called passionate…focused…and even, dare I say, devoted to this path You have laid before me.
I fall down here before Your throne, and I plead for Your mercy. I lay my fragmented life at Your feet, knowing that the glue still shows thick from my past, imperfectly hand-pieced back together…from where I have attempted to control and sustain on my own. I know You know…that Your eyes can’t help but trip over the childish handiwork that all my creativity can’t begin to mask.
Our eyes both take in this offering and my heart slams as the voices raise up within: unwelcome… unworthy… unfaithful… unwilling… fake… loser… sinner. Circling, twirling and screaming, the past surrounds me in a cloud that threatens to block You out. I lose my focus and my strength for a moment…until I hear Your lips part in a smile…until I sense the warmth in Your heart for this life that’s broken and shattered.
Now all that whispers is that I am ruined…but for You.
Father above, You are my God.
I call out for Your peace and for Your joy because to You, O my sweet Lord…to You alone, I lift up my soul as You alone can hold it tender…fresh…revived again!
My soul’s reflections and my heart’s offerings, based in large part on Psalm 86:1-4.