>…behind boxes of tissues, in bed as I prayed for decongestion meds to actually DO something
…out living life over lunches with girlfriends
…holding a forkfull of a fudge pie, hand-made and personally sent to me.
…sitting and noticing the world in ways I haven’t tried to before.
I am so horrible about dropping in here to say “I’m still alive” and then I come back and people are like “Ya, for how long this time?” Ok, the truth is that no one really says that, but I have these little imaginary conversations with myself because it is fun to talk in different accents. (We will just let slide for now…)
The thing I gave up for Lent was all the chaos in my mind.
Normally I hear the kazillion “voices”, twirling and rumbling around in my mind, all day long. Each competing for a chance to be heard, none really having much to say. Pride, anger, resentment, laughter, happiness and contentment ~ all playing out a circus show for me alone and each pulling and shoving me towards control or God, depending on the moment…each jumping and popping up however and whenever they like while leaving me to try and sort them into the “good” and “bad” catagories.
My last verbal instruction from God before Lent began was: “give me you“…and as I prayed to find the best way to lay myself down as a pleasing sacrifice, He answered in the silence…the clearning of the chaotic mess that can be my mind. He stilled the waters…and left me gasping as, for better or worse, I have learned to exist in the thundering power of a world set at high volume. Always noise…music, TV, people, the dog, me in my many accents…always something to keep my mind distracted.
If I wanted to hide from Him, I raised the sound level on the TV or kept myself busy talking.
If I wanted to hear Him, I raised the volume of iTunes and praise music or spoke His Word out loud.
Whatever I needed…whatever I wanted…I did it thru noise.
But as His hand swept upwards while “Peace, be still” still rang out over the raging waters of my heart and mind on day 1…I realized that in the silence comes the vision.
But still…I kept the volume up all around me as that is what I know.
In the book Crave, Chris Tomlinson has a chapter about silence…about how he learned to just be silent before God…and I was so very captivated by the thought of it that yesterday, I drove with no music on.
I know. Shocked me too.
I actually just prayed and then journeyed with no noise…and I was amazed at what I saw and what I thought of…amazed to “hear” a world that I usually ignore.
It impacted me so much, that I did it again today…not wanting the music now…not needing the extra competition of music, praise or not. I just want to hear with my eyes, with my heart and with my senses that are now heightened in the stillness of nothing…because I have found that in the silence comes the strength as He now roars where He used to whisper…as now His is the only voice to be heard.
What about you?